The Red Band Project

We should get a free pass cause we all got together.

Okay, don’t get me wrong. I liked X-Men: Days of Future Past (DOFP). And I count myself as one of the hugest “mutant-and-proud” supporters of the franchise on the planet. Hell, I even liked X-Men Origins: Wolverine, amnesia bullets, ratchet Deadpool and all the rest of that nonsense. But unlike the rest of the planet, I don’t think DOFP was the best film in the franchise. (For the record, I reserve that slot for the more nuanced, sweeping, and socially relevant X2.)

SPOILER ALERT: Mind your words. We’re heading right into spoiler territory. You’ve now been duly warned.

My biggest problem with DOFP: Nobody bothers to explain how they put Professor X back together after he literally fell to pieces confronting Jean Grey in X-Men: The Last Stand. Yes, the end credits for the latter film suggested he occupied another body but still, it was a different physical person. In the end credits for The Wolverine, the now whole Professor X tells Logan, “As I told you once before, you’re not the only one with gifts.” And that’s that. DOFP just plops a non-disintegrated Charles Xavier into our laps and goes on with the show. C’mon, there needs to be some explanation here, cause you know: THE GUY GOT OBLITERATED! That kinda exposition really matters.

“When exactly do I lose my hair?”

(If you dig around online, reportedly in the commentary for the X-Men: The Last Stand DVD, it is explained that Xavier entered the consciousness of Moira MacTaggart’s patient, who just happens to be his twin brother. In the womb, the Professor’s overwhelming mind abilities just totally fucked up his bro. Fair enough, but since when did we have to research the internet for a film’s plotlines?)

Another franchise quibble: At the end of The Wolverine, where Logan makes friends and enemies in Japan, didn’t he lose his adamantium in the final fight? And keeping that plot point in mind, how does he have adamantium bones in the future in DOFP? Again, no explanation.

Rock, scissors, paper. Okay, go!

And mutant-logistically, while the scene was arguably the best sequence in the movie, doesn’t it seem Quicksilver is a bit too powerful? He may not have had an appealing sense of dress, but he really could have come in handy during the film’s many, many almost-assassination scenes. He just needed to run by and take the gun away from the person in question. In fact, he probably could’ve speeded up the film’s main flaw: Characters spent precious and long moments convincing each other that they had to do things to make the future a better place, or they shouldn’t do things that would ultimately bring on the end of the human race.

But then, I guess that makes me a dick cause the movie would be over in 60 minutes.

Even in the past, there apparently was an Armani AX.

And on a purely personal and non-objective note, the end credits were initially confusing. They already announced the next movie in the series will be X-Men: Apocalypse, and it will feature the titular fearsome, totally buff-ass villain. What we saw was a child building the pyramids in Egypt in front of a worshipping crowd with four horsemen in the background.

Obviously this is Apocalypse Baby. I guess it’s just that I never imagined Apocalypse as a toddler. I mean, even The Avengers showed us what appeared to be the real Thanos. Would it have killed anyone to show us a glimpse of the real Apocalypse? Especially because in this day and age, he’s gonna be CGI anyway.

But enough with #100daysofhate. We could discuss the series’ inconsistencies till…well… the apocalypse, but in conclusion, I’m coming from a sincere place here. I genuinely care about these poor mutated characters. I mean, I think this is the most I’ve written about a movie in almost a year since my jaw-dropping shock at the collateral damage of Man of Steel. (This summer, even Godzilla had a nimbler touch around a city’s infrastructure.)

Again, X-Men: Days of Future Past was an entertaining enough film. I just want the coming apocalypse to be a little less bumpy.